


and i don't recognize (the one i see inside)

by c0rpz3huzb4nd



Series: sam thinks really hard about hybrid pack dynamics [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: (very reluctantly uses rpf tags bc theyre more convinient), Assisted Suicide, Bittersweet Ending, Character Study, Creeper Hybrid Sam | Awesamdude, Forgiveness, Gen, I GUESS.jpeg, Not RPF, Ram hybrid Schlatt, doing my best not to woobify c!dream, he/him pronouns for dream in this but he's still very much not cis, mentions of schlatt + sbi friendship/pack dynamic, references to minecraft manhunts but theyre treated as a sort of "past lives"/"world hopping" thing, sapnap george and bad aren't here long enough to warrant a chr tag, some mentions of hybrid pack dynamics i'll expand on later, spoilers for yesterday's stream, title from man or muppet LMAO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28918671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0rpz3huzb4nd/pseuds/c0rpz3huzb4nd
Summary: Even at his lowest, when he was nothing but prey to be chased, he still had his pack with him, and they could all laugh together, but now theyhatehim. And he deserves it. Dream deserves it, because he has hurt them so, so badly, and he didn’t realize how bad he was getting until it was too late. And now he has eternity to think about his mistakes.OR, my interpretation of how being alone in prison for g-d knows how long would affect dream.
Relationships: Dream & Sapnap & George & BadBoyHalo (Mentioned)
Series: sam thinks really hard about hybrid pack dynamics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121042
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132





	and i don't recognize (the one i see inside)

**Author's Note:**

> okay more complex tws in the a/n before we go further!!
> 
> dream becomes heavily suicidal, he self harms by scratching at the walls/floor, as well as burning himself on the lava. there's some repetition at several points, and what could be considered mental degradation i think? also there's some manipulative tommy (in the form of him lying to dream about how long it's been), because i am looking DIRECTLY at tommy in yesterdays stream.

Tommy lied. Tommy lied Tommy lied tommy lied tommyliedtommyliedtommyliedtommyLIED. He said he would be _back_ he said he would _visit_ but it’s been months and Dream has never been more alone. He thrashes against the walls of his self-commissioned hell, screaming out curses to a god he knows has long since turned a blind eye to him.

Dream grows so big he fills out the entirety of his enclosure, pressing against every corner of the space, scorching himself on the lava as he pushes and pushes, because god fucking damn it if he spends one more day here, he is going to _break._ He shrinks to the size of a small child, curses and anger turning to pleas and broken sobs, pressing himself into the corner with his knees pulled up to his chest.

There’s nowhere for him to sleep, so he curls up on the cold hard ground and shakes. It’s not like he’s ever been able to _truly_ sleep, anyways, but he remembers a time before _cold_ and _hard_ and _alone_ where he’d curl in bed with his friends, changing to something big and furry with sharp jaws and sharper talons, wrapping himself around them until he was sure they were safe. His friends, his family, his _pack_.

After three months of nothing but the soft sound of lava flowing, and the _tap tap tap_ of his footsteps on the cold obsidian, Dream starts writing. At first, he tries to do what Tommy asked of him, but his hands are shaking too hard to form coherent words, so he gives up, and just lets the words tumble out of him, not caring if they’re legible. It’s not like anyone will come to read them anyways.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’m sorry for what I did I’m sorry for hurting you I miss my pack please let me out I’ll be good please sam please tommy please anyone i’m so fucking LONELY I AM GOING TO DIE IN HERE PLEASE I DON’T WANT TO DIE_

-

Dream doesn’t know which memories go where, anymore. He remembers hunting and running and being hunted and hiding and being _hurt_ , but he doesn’t know which ones are from past worlds, past lives, and which ones are from here. He doesn’t know if he wants to, anymore.

Even at his lowest, when he was nothing but prey to be chased, he still had his pack with him, and they could all laugh together, but now they _hate_ him. And he deserves it. Dream deserves it, because he has hurt them so, so badly, and he didn’t realize how bad he was getting until it was too late. And now he has eternity to think about his mistakes.

The lava stops burning, after a while. It just starts to feel cold. Dream starts plunging his hand into the molten rock, before dipping it in the lukewarm water that sits in a pool on the floor. He hopes it’ll make him feel something again, but all it does is scar.

If Sam knows what he’s up to, the creeper-hybrid doesn’t make any attempt to stop him. He’s silent as ever. Dream doesn’t even know if he’s there, anymore. He tries not to think too hard about it, though, because the thought of being _completely_ alone in this place is too much to bear.

-

After six months, Tommy visits again. Dream’s almost catatonic when he comes in, curled into a ball in the corner. He’s pretty sure his vocal cords don’t even work anymore, after so long spent screaming his lungs out. He could kill himself, reset them, but it’d be too much effort to get up.

Distantly, he watches Tommy pick up a book, flipping through the pages. He can see glimpses of them in the teen’s hands, neat penmanship devolving into scribbles devolving into meaningless lines scrawled across the paper, a cruel mockery of the language of gods that Dream was once so well-versed in. He ignores Tommy as he comes to crouch in front of him, eyes cold.

“You’re pathetic, Dream. What, you couldn’t even handle a few days in here without losing your shit? It’s a miracle you made it so far before getting locked up here.” A few days? No. Nonono, that’s not right, that _can’t_ be right. It’s been months and months and months; Dream’s been watching the days go by on his clock.

But, Tommy had taken it, the first day he was here. He could’ve replaced it, put something there to fool Dream into thinking more time was passing. _A taste of his own medicine, the manipulator becoming the manipulated._

Tommy asks him how to bring back Wilbur, and he recites the instructions he’d read all that time ago in a daze. He gets a spiteful, insincere _thank you_ in return. It isn’t until Tommy’s starting to leave that Dream breaks, flinging himself over the barrier of netherite blocking him off from the younger man.

“Don’t leave,” He pleads, voice raspy. “Please, stay a little longer, I’m so sorry, I wanna make it up, I can’t stay in here any longer.” Tommy yanks his arm away from where Dream had grabbed it, giving him a snide look.

“Yeah, well too fucking bad, asshole. You’re stuck here for the rest of your pathetic fucking life. And there’s nothing you can do about it.” Dream crumples, form draping across the blocks separating the two.

“At least tell me about George, a-and Sapnap, and the rest of them. Do- do they miss me? Have any of them tried to visit? _Please,_ Tommy, are they alright? I can’t- if they get hurt because I couldn’t protect them- _oh gods_.”

Tommy falters, just once, looking back at them. He hesitates, swallowing thickly, and as the platform starts to pull away, he mutters three words, just loud enough to hear, and Dream falls apart.

_They hate you._

-

It’s another two months before someone comes back. It’s Schlatt this time, and Dream doesn’t think too hard about the implications, about what it means that the hybrid’s alive again.

“So,” He starts after a long, long time of the two sitting there in silence. “Tommy says you’ve been goin’ a little stir crazy.” Dream snorts, the sound cracking out of his ruined throat, past lips chewed raw and bloody. He continues scraping quietly at the floor, ignoring the twinges of pain that shoot up his hands as bloody fingertips drag against the shimmering black stone.

“That’s an understatement. He- he said it’s only been a few days, since I got put in here.” Schlatt sucks in a single, soft breath, and it tells Dream all he needs to know.

“Listen, bud. I’m not gonna pretend I forgive you for any of the shit you did. You fucked up my whole damn pack, alright? It’s hard seeing the people I lov-“ He cuts himself off, but Dream catches just enough of the sentence to realize what he was going to say, and he offers a quiet congratulations. Finding a pack is hard, he would know, after so many centuries spent drifting from world to world, trying to find one of his own. Schlatt seems a little taken aback, but he nods.

“As I was saying, Tommy still wakes himself up crying most nights, and I can barely raise my voice around him without him going all glassy eyed. Tubbo’s still dealing with the after effects of everything you did to him that day. They’re all hurting, and that’s not something I can let go of, but…” He pauses, seemingly thinking for a moment. “I can tell that you’re hurting too. I won’t pretend that you don’t deserve it, but still. I have experience with being lonely.” He stands, walking over to the platform and quietly calling for Sam. The netherite barrier goes up, and the lava starts to recede. Schlatt turns to him, pulling off the long coat he’d been wearing, and tossing it to Dream.

“Here. You look cold.”

The coat is soft, and Dream wraps it around himself like a suit of armor, his last defense against the world around him.

No one visits for a long time, after that. Dream stops counting, not wanting to know how long it’s been since he was forgotten.

-

“Sam. Sam, please. If you can hear me, let me know.” There’s no response for a long, long time, and Dream is about to give up when there’s the sound of rustling fabric. Dream knows the hybrid is aware of his hypersensitive hearing, that it was a sign to _go on, say what you need to say_.

“Sam, listen, I’m not going to ask you to let me out. I’m not that stupid, but…” He sucks in a sharp breath. Despite how long he’s been begging for it, it’s still hard to ask for what he wants.

“I need you to kill me, Sam.” A sharp intake of breath, nothing more. “Please, I know you want to, I know everyone on this server wants to. I’ve served my purpose, I’ve helped bring Wilbur and Schlatt back, there’s no reason for me to be here. I know you keep a weapon on you, so _please_. Fucking kill me, Sam. If you have any drop of fucking pity in your heart, I am _begging you_.

There’s a long, long pause, then; “Come stand at the edge. Where the platform comes and goes.” Dream nearly sobs, complying. The lava recedes, cold air washing over his skin as the platform comes across the pit. Sam nods at him from the other side, and he steps onto it with shaking legs. _God, this is it. Finally._

The creeper-hybrid bears more scars than he did last time Dream saw him, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he can _sense_ that the other man has lost a life, though he’s not sure when, or what happened. He steps off the platform on the other side, and Sam silently hands something to him.

If the blood red color wasn’t enough to tip him off, the sickly-sweet scent radiating off the potion confirms it. A harming potion, and a powerful one at that. The full bottle would be enough to kill him, he realizes. Sam is holding a gun to his head, and making him pull the trigger.

Dream looks him dead in the eyes for the first and last time as he uncorks the bottle, downing the entire thing. Almost immediately, his muscles start to give out, and he crumples to the ground. Sam catches him, gently laying him down.

“You know,” He starts, and Dream strains his hearing to catch every syllable before his body gives out for the final time. “I hope by the time you see your pack again; they’ll have forgiven you. You were a bad person this time around, Dream, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a do-over.” Dream shudders hard, a broken noise cracking out of him, but Sam just shakes his head, murmuring something in his native language that Dream can’t understand, but he has a feeling it’s a prayer.

-

Death welcomes him with open arms, and Dream gladly accepts it’s embrace.

(Bad joins him first, stumbling into the void with wide eyes, clutching at his throat. The egg had taken him, choked him from the inside until he couldn’t breathe around the vines in his throat, until it was too late to turn back. Sapnap was absurdly simple, a stray arrow piercing his heart, no one bothering to try and save him, since he’d lied about how many lives he’d had left. George takes longer, dying slowly of some sick, sadistic disease, until Techno took pity on him and put an axe through his skull.

After so, _so_ long, Dream is with his pack again, and they have started to forgive him, to love him as he never stopped loving them. He hopes he can see everyone else one day, hopes he can apologize to Tommy and mean it, hopes he can duel Techno without it being a fight stemming from hatred and war. For now, he’s with his pack once more, and that’s enough.

That was always enough.)

**Author's Note:**

> me: i hate c!dream!!! he is bad and hurt tommy!!  
> c!dream: shows what looks like genuine distress and hurt when tommy asks him who he misses most  
> me: oh you poor baby :(


End file.
